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Whom do you tip?
Q: We're having a Catholic wed­ding and I don't know whom to tip for their services. Can you clue me in?
A: Whatever religion you are, the best place to get an answer for your specific situa­tion is from your house of worship's sec­retary. You might learn, for example, that most couples choose to express their grat­itude with a donation to the church, in­stead of giving a gratuity to an individual. The church, in return, may use it to cover fees for the sexton, altar servers, cantor, and organist (although in some cases you are expected to take care of these sepa­rately). Or you may discover that it's cus­tomary to donate something like a hymnal or candelabra, in lieu of cash.

The engagement party
Q: Who is responsible for hosting the en­gagement party?
A: Although anyone can host it, generally the opportunity is first given to the bride's parents; the groom's family could also extend the invitations. If someone else wants to do the honors, and both sets of parents agree to it, give the would-be hosts your blessing-and a great thank-you gift afterward.

Please no kids
Q: How do we let guests know that kids aren't invited to our wedding?
A: Simply address the outer envelope to "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" and then list only "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" on the inner envelope. Guests should know that only those people to whom the invitation is addressed are welcome. To keep people from tacking on additional guests, avoid the -Number of persons attending" line on the response card.

How to let people know what you want
Q: We're having a destination wedding and I'm afraid we'll get stuck lugging pres­ents around on our honeymoon. Is there a polite way to let people know we pre­fer cash to creamers?
A: Word of mouth is the best way to let guests know of your preference. Tell your parents and wedding party about your decision; lots of guests will turn to them for advice. But keep in mind that some friends and family mem­bers will still want to get you a more traditional gift. Registering for a few things will let them know not only what you want, but also where you want it sent, which is usually to the bride's home.

Separate invitations?
Q: We're inviting a number of out-of-town guests to the wedding and we want to in­clude them in the rehears­al dinner and post wedding brunch. How do we pass the word without issuing three separate in­vitations?
A: Every fete should be announced with its own invitation, each mailed separately. Including too much information makes a wedding invite look crowded, and it also makes RSVPing more complicated than it needs to be. The invitations to the re­hearsal dinner and brunch do not have to be as formal as the wedding invitation; the hosts can even use-preprinted cards. They should indicate the level of for­mality of each event in addition to the date, time, place, and an RSVP number.

Other jobs for kids
Q: I'm close to my neighbor's 10-year-old son and want him to participate in my wedding. My fiancé doesn't really know him, so making him a junior groomsman doesn't sound quite right. What else can he do?
A: If the boy would be comfortable in front of a group, he could do a reading; give him the selection way ahead of time so he can practice. There are also jobs like handing out pro­grams, distributing rice or bubbles after the ceremony, and manning the guest book. Any of these would give him a sup­porting role in your wedding.

People to invite at work
Q: There is only one woman in my office that I would like to invite to my wed­ding. Can I exclude everyone else?
A: If the only person you want to invite is your boss, you're in luck. It's okay to ask just your supervisor and no one else. Oth­erwise, the situation depends on your re­lationship with your co-workers. If you work with a large number of people and this woman is the only one you socialize with, then invite her and your boss and skip the rest. If however, you work with just a few people (four of you in a dental office for example) excluding the others will cause resentment, which could make life unpleasant for everyone. In any case, make sure you don't discuss your wedding with anyone you don't plan to invite.

Should we accept gifts?
Q: Our 100-person cocktail reception will take place about a month after our des­tination wedding and honeymoon. Is it appropriate to accept presents when we're not serving a meal?
A: A wedding is not a quid pro quo situa­tion when people bring gifts; it's to cel­ebrate the start of your new life, not to reimburse you for a meal. So feel free to accept any gifts, whether you serve filet mignon or cocktail franks.

Undo a bridesmaid
Q: About a week after I got engaged, I ran into a woman to whom I was close in high school. When I told her my good news, she asked to be in my wedding party, and I impulsively said yes. Now I'm having second thoughts. Do I have to include her?
A: Unfortunately, you're stuck. Just as you can't uninvite someone to a dinner party, you can't uninvite someone to be a bridesmaid­ If, however, she expresses any second thoughts herself you could say something like, "I know we were both excited when I said I wanted you to be in my wedding and I appreciate the support but if you'd rather just attend as a guest, I'd understand" Now that she's gained some distance from the situation, she might not be as excited to perform all the bridesmaid's tasks that a closer friend wouldn't think twice about. However she expresses continued interest, you've got to keep her on.

Feed the hired help
Q: Do I have to feed the DJ and photographer?
A: If they'll be working through a mealtime, ifs customary to offer sustenance. (This is true for any service providers.) It doesn't have to be the shrimp crepes that you'll serve your guests, though-it should be something they can consume quickly and get back to business. Talk to your caterer about what he's done in the past in most uses; he'll offer these meals at a discount. Having a buffet? Tell your DJ and photog­rapher they're welcome to grab a plate.

Do I have to wear a veil?
Q: I'm not at all sure about wearing a veil for my wedding; it's just not me. Must I wear one?
A: The wearing of a veil is an ancient custom, which most brides adhere to. Many say that they wouldn't feel like a bride without one! But if the look you have in mind doesn't involve a veil, don't wear one! However, it's always worth trying a few on you might be surprised how good it looks! You don't have to wear a veil covering your face. It could be attached behind a tiara.

Veiled at the Reception?
Q: Must I remove my veil during the reception?
A: Although most brides do take off their veils for the reception, it isn't necessary, so it's entirely up to you! Most veils are secured in the hair with a comb, so they would be easy to remove without your entire hairdo collapsing if that's what you're worried about.

Going-away Outfits
Q: Must the bride change into a going-away outfit before leaving the reception? I'd rather leave the party in a blaze of glory in the dress I've put so much time into choosing.
A: If you're leaving directly from the reception to the honeymoon, changing out of your gown is the sensible thing to do. But it's up to you if you're traveling to a hotel for the wedding night. If you do want to change, make sure your going-away outfit is very special and makes you feel great. Don't forget to ask your chief bridesmaid or maid of honor to drop the outfit you plan to go away in (including tights and make-up) off at the reception venue. Towards the end of the reception, slip away to change.

Girl's night
Q: Is it up to my bridesmaids to plan the Bachelorette night?
A: The chief bridesmaid usually undertakes the role of planning the hen night. The bride is usually invited to state if she has any preference of where she'd like to go and asked whom she'd like to attend. The rest of the planning, ringing round is then in the hands of the chief bridesmaid, (and other attendants if required).