Wedding Planning

Q: My grandmother has offered to make our wedding cake so we can cut down on expenses. Even though she's a terrific baker, she's never attempted such a large project before, and that makes me nervous. Am I being silly?

A: We'd call you smart. If you were having an afternoon backyard reception for 20, letting Grandma bake your cake would be a nice personal touch. If the affair is any larger or more formal (like an evening reception in a hotel ballroom), however, hand the job over to a professional baker who's adept at things your grandmother may be unfamiliar with, such as stacking the tiers properly with dowels so the cake won't lean or slide, and working with sugar flowers or fondant icing. It will also be difficult for an amateur to give your cake just the right texture so that it can be cut into a hundred or more neat slices. You can still showcase Grandma's skills, however, by asking her to bake your favorite cake for the rehearsal dinner or to make cookies for wedding favors.

CDs or DJ?
Q: Can I play prerecorded music during dinner and hire a DJ for dancing afterward?
A: Even if your reception site has a top notch sound system, you'd be taking a chance using CDs. Exactly how good is the quality especially when the room is filled with the din of 150 clanging forks? Who will man the music during dinner, making sure CDs get changed and songs are played in appropriate order? Instead, consider hiring a DJ for dinner and dancing. Most have a four-hour minimum anyway, Or see if your ceremony musicians can also perform during the dinner hour. They may offer you a discounted rate.

Kiddy Menu
Q: Since kids don't eat much, I don't think I should include them in the caterer's guest count, right?
A: Not exactly tell your caterer how many children will be attending and discuss menu options with him or her. Most caterers charge less for children if there's a buffet; for a seated dinner, they may provide a different, less expensive meal like pizza or chicken fingers.

Going-away Outfits
Q: Must the bride change into a going away outfit before leaving the reception? I'd rather leave the party in a blaze of glory in the dress I've put so much time into choosing.
A: If you're leaving directly from the reception to the honeymoon, changing out of your gown is the sensible thing to do. But it's up to you if you're traveling to a hotel for the wedding night. If you do want to change, make sure your going away outfit is very special and makes you feel great. Don't forget to ask your chief bridesmaid or maid of honor to drop the outfit you plan to go away in (including tights and make-up) off at the reception venue. Towards the end of the reception, slip away to change.

Veiled at the Reception?
Q: Must I remove my veil during the reception?
A: Although most brides do take off their veils for the reception, it isn't necessary, so it's entirely up to you! Most veils are secured in the hair with a comb, so they would be easy to remove without your entire hairdo collapsing if that's what you're worried about.

Come dancing
Q: How do we begin the dancing?
A: When the band kicks in, the first on the dance-floor should, by rights, be the newly-weds. Lots of couples plan their first dance as man and wife very carefully and choose a song that means something special to them. Then the rest of the party then join in, while, according to tradition, the groom dances with his new mother-in-law and the bride with her father. (After that the bride with her father-in-law and groom with his mother. Finally, the groom and the chief bridesmaid should dance whilst the bride and best man dance.) If you're not a great mover, or just feel uncomfortable about dancing in public, open the dance floor to everyone immediately the music begins.

Bridal speeches
Q: Should the bride ever make a speech?
A: It is important that the speech section of the reception doesn't go on for too long, and in this vein, if the groom, the father of the bride, the best man and the bride all make speeches, it can turn into a bit of a marathon for the guests. If, as the bride, you really want to speak, then it's a nice touch, but the entire speech section of the day should be kept to around 20 minutes, 25 minutes at maximum.

Place cards?
Q: What is the etiquette surrounding place cards?
A: This one is entirely up to you. Chances are, you're having a seated dinner, not a buffet (which generally allows guests to seat themselves), and to my mind, giving guests name cards is the best way to approach this. People can be very dithery over where to put themselves and many of those invited might find it easier to be told where to go!

One important thing to consider is how you'll let guests know where to sit. You should consider having more than one board with the table plan on so there isn't a huge scrum of people finding out where they're supposed to be going. Alternatively, you could be a little more creative. For example, hand each guest a bag of sugared almonds with a card attached telling each where to sit.

Sit-down meal or buffet?
Q: Do I have to supply a sit down meal for my guests or is it OK to provide a buffet?
A: There is no rule to say that the meal you serve has to be served hot. You may prefer to serve a cold buffet to your guests. This could comprise of salads, a selection of cold meats, a large salmon, bread and dressings. You could follow this with fresh fruit, gateaux and pastries, cheese and biscuits.

Dietary oddities!
Q: I'm a vegan. Should I let my hosts know this?
A: Manners dictate that you should not tell your hosts of your dietary requirements, but should try to eat something ahead of the reception, and then just take your chances that there will be something you can eat at the meal. Unfortunately, the same goes for those with religious dietary restrictions. However, these days, special dietary requirements have a much higher profile. The invitation may come with meal options and caterers often have a few special meals set aside for 'emergencies'.

Vegetarian reception
Q: My fiancé and I am vegetarian and would like to have an all-vegetarian meal at the reception. Is this acceptable?
A: Why ever not? If you're not keen on serving meat to your guests, on your Big Day, there's absolutely no reason to. One thing I would say though is that if you choose to go all-veggie, then you should put some real time into organizing the menu! There is always one die-hard carnivore around who will be dying to bash an all-veggie menu, and what fun it would be to pleasantly surprise him/her! One idea might be to turn it into a themed wedding, maybe eco-style. You could get all the stationery printed on recycled paper, ask guests to plant trees as presents to you etc.

Paying for the Wedding
Q: How do I decide who pays for the wedding?
A: In the past, according to tradition, the groom's parents had minimum financial involvement in the wedding. This is changing fast as more and more is spent on lavish celebrations. The bride's parents generally shoulder most of the expenses, including the stationery, the bride's dress (including her going-away outfit) and those of her attendants, transport for the bride's family and bridesmaids, all flowers (except the bridal bouquet), and music during the ceremony, photography and the reception. They also traditionally cover the cost of the hen night.

The groom's major expenses will probably be the bride's wedding and engagement rings and the honeymoon. He is also expected to pay for his stag party, buttonholes and wedding bouquet for the bride, church/civil ceremony fees, the rental of clothes for himself, the best man and ushers, transport for himself and the best man, and gifts for the bride, best man and attendants. The bride usually gets off lightly! She should buy the groom's wedding ring and that's it!