Is this the wedding you really want?

Or are you pandering to the wishes of your mom, dad, in-laws to be, friends etc? Before you start planning,
take a look at our five commandments for a happy day - YOUR way:

1. THOU SHALT STATE THE GROUND RULES EARLY
2. THOU SHALT COMPROMISE
3. THOU SHALT AGREE ON A BUDGET
4. THOU SHALT RESPECT THE VIEWS OF OTHERS
5. THOU SHALT BE TRUE TO YOURSELF

THOU SHALT STATE THE GROUND RULES EARLY

Make sure your family and friends know exactly what you have planned. Clear up any disagreements early. Getting everything out in the open and stating your intentions as early as possible will give you time to discuss things. "It minimizes any disappointment, conflict or resentment," says Denise Knowles from Relate. If your planning your wedding in Tacoma, and for some reason your mother is set on a location in Puyallup, things of that nature.

Maria, 30, married Patrick in 1994. "I told my Catholic mom that I was getting married in an Anglican church a couple of days after we announced the engagement. It got a 'biggie' out of the way. She sulked for about three months - which was fine as we had 18 months to wait until the big day!"

THOU SHALT COMPROMISE

As a veggetarian, Fiona, 31, was determined not to include 'dead animals' in her wedding day, but her husband, Pete, thought they should compromise. In the end, she agreed.

"Sometimes you should compromise. A willingness to work together is what marriage is about - it's way up on the agenda," says Denise.

Another bride, Sue, had a real problem with her husband's boisterous poker-club friends. "I didn't want my wedding day to be a great big drunken night out, with them taking their clothes off at the end of the night. But after talking it through with Rob, I agreed that they could come - as long as he didn't join in!"

Compromising means accepting that your husband or wife-to-be comes with baggage, and you're not going to like all of it!

THOU SHALT AGREE A BUDGET

When your parents are paying for the wedding, guest lists can become an issue.

"My dad was paying for the whole to-do, and when it came to the guest list, he wanted to invite all his business acquaintances," says Carol Anne, 34.

"Agree on a budget early on," suggests Denise. "Let them know what you want, and then start to compromise."

In the end, Carol Anne and her dad resolved the situation without too much hassle. "His friends did come, but I chose where they sat. I had all my friends and family near me at the top table, and they were hidden away around the edges!" she says.

THOU SHALT RESPECT THE VIEWS OF OTHERS

Arguing over whether to have a religious or civil ceremony, a traditional or off-the-wall one is to be expected with parents and children. "You should understand and respect your parents. They often have very different experiences and beliefs to you, and have been brought up in a completely different mind-set. Likewise, they should respect your beliefs and ideas," says Denise.

"We decided to get married at our local football stadium," says Sarah, 32. "My mom said she wouldn't come! She wanted the traditional Church wedding. I explained how much football meant to both of us and compared it to her and my dad's passion for rock 'n' roll dancing. It worked, and she eventually agreed to come. We all had the best day of our lives."

THOU SHALT BE TRUE TO YOURSELF

"What you plan for your wedding day says a lot about who you really are," says Denise. "It's a time to be true to yourself, and sometimes friends and family will see a side of you they didn't know, and don't like. It's all part of growing up and finding out who you are," she adds. If you want a white wedding, by all means, have one. Don't ever forget it's YOUR DAY! Have fun with it, get creative, and by all means, HAVE FUN!