10 toasting tips for the groom

Toasts are as much a part of a reception as the garter toss and cake cutting. But your guy doesn't have to be Vince Lombardi to deliver a stirring speech. All it takes is a little preparation and creativity. Whether he gives it at the rehearsal dinner or reception, the ingredients for success are the same. Here, how to write a speech that's an unforgettable tribute. Guys, listen up.

1. Your speech is not like an undergrad essay - something you write at the last minute and still hope you can pull it off with a decent grade. Start by sitting own at a desk and picturing your bride. Write down anything that comes to you, from the way she brushes her hair to the kind of movies she likes. Before long you'll have enough material for several speeches.
   
   
2. Look up "evocative" in a dictionary. Your speech should be full of details and specifics. Tailor your ideas to your bride's unique characteristics. You may want to tell the world that she's beautiful, but take it a step further: what makes her beautiful? Her smile? The way she looks in her Aerosmith T-shirt?
   
   
3. By subtle and sincere. A pitfall of many speeches is the use of empty hyperbole ("You'll never know how much I love you"), which hits people like a dandelion fluff - it doesn't break the surface. Subtlety is more effective. ("I haven't been this happy since my ninth birthday.")
   
   
4. And I have to thank my fourth cousin Barry… Here's a test. The wedding day is about: a) your bride, b) your bride, or c) your bride. Correct! So make sure she's the focus of your speech. You've got two sentences on the day you met and three paragraphs on that great road trip with your buddies? Time for a rewrite.
   
   
5. Forget the skinny jokes. It's okay to tease her, but do it lovingly and judiciously. Mentioning her foibles is fine as long as you add how much you adore them. ("No one burns meat loaf the way you do, but luckily that's how I like it.")
   
   
6. Did you hear the one about the Pope and the rabbi… A good speech mixes humor with sentiment. Pepper your speech with jokes, but get rid of the ones that aren't surefire. Similarly, keep only those sentiments that you feel are the most poignant. Think of your speech as a game of Battleship - you want to accumulate lots of direct hits and minimize your misses.
   
   
7. Visit the prop department, Think about something tangible from your relationship that you can incorporate into your speech. Good visual: the ticket stubs from your first date. Bad visual: her red lace thong.
   
   
8. Use your best material. You only get one shot at telling your 200 closest friends and relatives why you fell for your bride, so edit yourself ruthlessly. Editors tell writes that every word in a manuscript should serve the story. Apply the same rule to your speech. Make it three minutes, tops.
   
   
9. Act like a Boy Scout and be prepared. It's a myth that rehearsal kills spontaneity. Rehearsing allows you to talk to the crowd and not the page. Force yourself to do at least two read-throughs aloud, which will allow you to catch potential tongue twisters, smooth out awkward, sections, and improve pacing.
   
   
10. Slower is better (which goes for the wedding, too). Everyone has a tendency to rush when speaking in public, so practice at a slow pace, concentrating on every word. When you do finally take the podium, stop and breathe for a few seconds. When you start, include pauses for effect. Wait out laughter. Enunciate. Later that night, when she expresses her appreciation, it'll all be worth it.
    
    
11. Loose Lips. Public speaking outranks death as people's number one fear, so you're not alone if you feel nervous before grabbing the mike. Try these techniques for staying cool: Focus on your bride, not yourself. Before starting, take a moment to look around the room and soak everything in - and realize that everyone is on your side. The day of the wedding, visualize yourself giving the speech. If you can picture yourself making a sensational one, chances are you will.